The Popkorn Junkie :: Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

There have been a lot of bad movies this weekend, and "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" was no exception. This is a completely lame piece of cinema that relies solely on special effects and stunts and doesn't care enough about the storyline to really even give us one worth mentioning at all.

Alas, I will mention it, with the sole purpose of trying to dissuade you from even considering seeing this dirge. Antonio Banderas is Agent Ecks, sworn rival of Lucy Lui (Agent Sever). But, when a more evil dude comes to town, they must combine forces to stop the madman. How riveting. I was on the edge of my seat--not from the suspense and tension in the film, but from the Big Gulp I downed just before. Mr. Pibb does total chaos to the insides, I kid you not.

Antonio Banderas is awful. His performance reminded me of "The Antonio Banderas Show" skit that Chris Kattan use to do on Saturday Night Live. It was like Kattan starred in this film and was doing his impression of Banderas. I should have known after he directed "Crazy in Alabama" that he was a hack. Lucy Lui may be the worst actress on the face of the planet. She has no charisma, no personality, and absolutely no timing as an actress; it was truly pathetic to watch her on screen. It was like watching a movie version of "Spy vs. Spy", except a bad one. It reminded me of another movie, similar to this one and also starring Antonio Banderas. It was called "Assassins" and it co-starred Sylvester Stallone. You know what--I liked that film. It was interesting and managed to formulate some type of plot.

I didn't know why Ecks or Sever were doing what they were doing half the time. And, what's with the name. It sounds like a game for Playstation 2 or something. This film might dominate the Golden Razzies this year, and with my vote being cast, I will try and pull folks over to my side. I haven't felt this strongly about a flick all year, I don't recall. You can bet your bottom dollar that this one will make my end of the year list for worst film. Hell, it might top it, or come pretty close. But, you never can tell. Upon second viewing, the same thing might happen to me that happened when I saw "Three Kings" for the second time and my opinion might change from 'dud' to 'masterpiece'. My Magic Eightball says: Outlook Not So Good.

Between this junkpile and "Comedian", I might stop watching movies altogether. But, as long as they keep cranking out flicks like "One Hour Photo" and "The Banger Sisters", I'll stick with it as long as I can. WWJD? Send this movie straight to hell.

-- Billy Ray ( 0 out of 4 pops )

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Other Junkie's opinions.....

Matt ( 3 out of 4 pops )

"Ballistic" isn't a terrific film, nor a memorable one, but it's a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Rather than playing the smooth-talking pretty boy, Antonio Banderas plays an anti-hero--a chain-smoking, unshaven former agent who gets called back for one last job. So that was interesting to watch. The plot, though not completely original, is engaging and so are the characters. So this is not simply a guilty pleasure. Action movies are always more entertaining when you actually care about the characters and plot. The action sequences are often enjoyable, though there are a few pretentious shots--for example, a slo-mo shot of an agent plunging down about 100 feet and finally crashing onto the roof of a squad car. There are moments of humor, so the film doesn't take itself too seriously. But it could've used a little more humor, without going the "Charlie's Angels" route and making it all tongue-in-cheek. I wouldn't suggest you rush to theaters to see this movie, but I have few complaints about it. All in all, it's good action entertainment and well-worth the price of a ticket.