The Popkorn Junkie :: National Security

I shouldn't even be wasting my energy writing the plot synopsis of this comedy disaster, but I'll do it right away just to get it over with. Steve Zahn is a stuck-up cop who lost his partner during a shoot-out in a warehouse. Martin Lawrence is a loose-cannon security guard who trains to be a cop and fails to make the cut. Their paths intersect when Lawrence reaches into his car to grab his keys, after forgetting to remove them from the ignition, and Zahn approaches him, asking what the problem is. Lawrence assumes that he's another racist white cop wrongly accusing a black man of stealing a car. A bumblebee buzzes over them and Zahn tries to swat it with his nightstick. A man from afar happens to catch it on video, and on tape it appears as if Zahn is beating the hell out of Lawrence with his nightstick.

Zahn receives six years in the pen for police brutality and when released, he becomes a security guard. Of course, he bumps into Lawrence, they become reluctant partners and the so-called comedy ensues.

A day after, I saw "About Schmidt" and thought to myself, "Now THAT'S how to make a comedy!" After watching "National Security" I thought to myself, "Now that's how NOT to make a comedy!" The jokes are so pointless and predictable, and so is the plot. Lawrence is an undeniably good comic actor with undeniable talent. He can even play it straight, like he did in "Life" with Eddie Murphy. Despite the fact that he's funny in interviews and funny when doing stand-up, in movies he's not funny unless handed a good script. I enjoyed "Black Knight", and if it weren't for that movie, I'd dismiss all optimism about Lawrence. Before that he starred in the awful "Blue Streak" and afterwards the even more awful "What's the Worst That Could Happen?" If it weren't for "BK" he would've had a blue streak of awful movies.

All Lawrence does is pull the same tired "angry black man" routine. Black, Puerto Rican, Chinese, I didn't give a damn who he is, I wanted the beat the living crap out of him myself! His character is so annoying and Lawrence fails so miserably at trying to create a Jerry Lewis routine. I actually felt more sympathy for Zahn's character, who had to endure his loudmouth ranting the whole time. Just because he's black, doesn't give him license to be an annoying jerk. I know for sure if it were the other way around and a white character kept insulting a black character, the NAACP would assassinate director Dennis Dugan. Yet when black comics constantly make jokes about Caucasians, they say, "What's wrong? Can't take a joke?" Yes, if it's funny. How about you? But I'm not gonna patronize any comedian because of his race.

All issues aside, this is a trite, forgettable comedy that caters to the easily amused. Dugan also directed "Happy Gilmore," "Big Daddy" and "Saving Silverman". All funny movies in their own low-brow ways, but no thanks to his direction. I listened to the DVD commentary for "Silverman" and his mind is as empty as a homeless man's wallet. Zahn also starred in that movie, but at least he got the chance to be his usual goofy, dim-witted self--the character he has mastered over the years. As the straight man, he seems constantly uncomfortable, like he's biting his lips to prevent himself from cracking a smile. The "funny Zahn" desperately wants to get out, but he's stuck with this dopey, thankless role.

Even Eric Roberts has a minimal role as the chief villain--as if his career hasn't hit enough low points. When you look at his sister Julia's career in comparison to his, it's easy to spot which sibling received the talent gene. I doubt Julia showed up to this movie's premiere in support of her brother.

The only significance this movie has is breaking the streak of great movies I've been seeing these past weeks. After "Catch Me If You Can", "The Pianist", and "Narc", this dud comes along. If the trailers for this movie looked awful to you, your expectations are on point.

-- Matt ( 1 1/2 pops out of 4 pops )

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